Comments on: Chpt. 1 DOES THIS SOUND ANY GOOD…?

By: Ed bites

Ed bites — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 23:41:59 +0000

For the market you’re aiming at this isn’t bad. It’s a little wordy with some unneeded detail padding it out. Try to work out how you can write things without it sounding like you’re saying it.
I know you’re from the States but the last time I checked with my many American friends right was still spelt with a gh. The rite you use is an advertising gimmick or trade name; Startrite, etc.
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By: Howard W

Howard W — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:59:59 +0000

its a good start for sure but its really thin and you haven’t gotten the flow quite right its like story (showing) pause (telling) story, pause…
what you have is a good but you’ll need to review and revise more.

if you ever want to have it edited http://www.simonakeley.webs.com
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By: Whizz

Whizz — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:16:59 +0000

Yeah it does.
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