What do you think of my story?

Here it is…any suggestions or criticism is welcome This is only the prologue.

Prologue

Nurse Jane walked into the hospital room to check on the twin brother and sister who had just been born. Jane was used to caring for twins, but what the doctor hadn’t told her was that the parents of the twins were teenagers, no older than 18. Jane felt sorry for the couple, they had no one there supporting them, no friends or parents.
“How are you doing?” Jane asked the man. She looked at the file the doctor had given her. The man’s name was Zepp Chain and the woman was named Airan Gloss.
“We’re doing fine,” Zepp said, smiling down at the mother, who lay in the bed. Zepp had the girl cradled in his arms and Airan held the boy. The boy had thick, dark brown hair and eyes, just like his father, Jane noted. The girl had little hair on her head, but it was definitely blond, unlike her mother who was a redhead. As Jane looked closely at the baby girl, she noticed she had mesmerizing purple eyes, which were mirror images of her mother‘s eyes.
“May I see him?” Jane asked. Airan handed her his son and she cradled him in her arms. She began making faces and talking in a high pitched voice, making her self look like a fool. The baby put his arms in the air and yawned. Jane noticed a black mark on the underside of the boy’s wrist. It was much like a tattoo and was in the shape of a sun. What an unusual birthmark, Jane thought.
Crash! Jane turned around. Shards of glass rained onto the ground from the broken window, a man had jumped in. He wore all black, and he closely resembled Zepp. He wore gloves and held a javelin in his hands. Jane tried to run out of the room, but the man threw his javelin and volts of electricity shot through her body and she fell to the ground almost immediately. The baby boy fell to the ground, completely unphased. Larken reached over and picked up the boy.
“Larken!” Zepp hissed.
“How are we today, little brother?” Larken said, picking up his javelin and pointing it at Airan. He pulled his arm back and threw the javelin. There was no need to aim, the weapon always hit it’s mark. It was a gift from Phaeton, his leader.
“Why are you here?” Zepp asked, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“Adymus’s orders. You know how he hates it when we disobey him,” Larken said evilly. Larken moved forward and punched Zepp in the face. Zepp staggered backwards and fell into a chair, the girl still in his arms. He quickly got up and ran to the window. Zepp threw his baby girl out the window, it was the only chance she had of survival, if Larken got a hold of her, he would kill her instantly.
Larken punched Zepp in the face again and then kicked him in the knee. Zepp fell to the ground. Larken kicked him in the head, and he became unconscious.
***
The baby girl fell to the ground, but at the last moment transformed. She was a blue jay, flying high into the sky. She flew all around town, but finally got tired and landed softly on the ground. And then she was a girl again, and had forgotten everything that had just happened.
A man wandered up the street, as he was buying a soda from the machine, he noticed the baby laying on the sidewalk. She was wrapped in a pink blanket and had dark purple eyes. Puzzled, he went over and picked the baby up. There was no one else around, it was three in the morning, after all. The man figured the baby had been abandoned and left to die.
The man, called Frank, new of an orphanage in the center of town. He took the girl there, hoping her life would be safe from then on. But, unfortunately, life will never be safe for a Shifter.

Thanks for reading
ooo it sounds good! i want to red more. lol. seriously, i loved it!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100310134717AAHAAk9 please

Filed under: Parents of Twins Support

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