Ok, so here’s the story: My mom’s cousin has given up his rights as the father of his twin 7-year-olds (a boy and girl), as has their mother, and so after much consideration and prayer my mom and I have decided that we are going to adopt them. Despite the fact that we haven’t ever met the twins in person, I’m really excited!
…But of course, I know that there are going to be times when this is a hard situation. My mom has been a single parent to me for the vast majority of my life (I’m 19), and so I know there will be times when one or both of us are frustrated or tired. So I’m wondering if anyone can point me in the direction of an online support group for me, or at least if anyone can impart some advice to me.
I just would like to have a group of people around my age with an understanding of my situation so that on the hard days where I think I’m going to crazy I’ll have an outlet for all that emotion so that the kids aren’t affected in any way. I’m really looking forward to sort of co-parenting these kids and being the "cool, loving sister" type to them, and I would love some help and advice on how to do that. So anyway, thanks so much for any tips, links, etc. that you can provide. Have a blessed day. =)
By the way, I know I kind of made it sound like my mom and I will be sharing parenting responsibilities, but just to be clear I will not be a legal guardian of the kids. I just want to know how to be the best helper to my mom and also how to keep myself sane while making the transition from only child to sibling of twins. Thanks for any helpful answers. =)
Actually, there are parts of the story that I didn’t want to toss out there for the whole world to see. If you must know, however, the kids live in Oregon and we live in NC. Their mother is an abusive drug addict, and my mother’s cousin views them as "her problem", not his. The only other family, as I said before, is unstable and would only be taking them in for the money, and we’re not certain about the safety of their current foster home. So it is actually an emergency.
As for us having never met, their social worker is sending us pictures and information about them and vice versa over then next few months, and then my mom will be flying out there to meet them before they come out here.
By the way, I don’t know if you meant to come off as quickly judgmental, but you kind of did. I do understand your concern about the situation, believe me. But I think your wording of those concerns could have been a lot less combative so that I wouldn’t have felt so defensive. Just a thought.
Adoptions placements often happen without first meeting the child. Our did. From a fostering POV your situation is very normal, often foster parents recieve emergency calls and hours later the children arrive at thier home. ( People who don’t foster or adopt a child through fostercare rarely understand thats it not the same as a child minding service.)
I would suggest you look for a local councellor experienced in adoption issues and assiting families. From there they should be able to help you find a support group with younger people around your age or even just a good friend who loves you unconditionally and will let you off load if there is an emotional build up without offering a load of unwanted/or needed advice.
All the best for your new family.
